Saturday, about 8:00 am

It is another morning. In the last couple of days I have dealt with the death of a former student and that made the rest of life sort of dull. That is when something else came to mind. Not long ago I was riding with a family member and his phone rang. One of his friends was coming to town and thought she was in Memphis but wasn't quite sure. I overheard the conversation and rang in, "Ask her if she is suddenly nervous and feels like she may die soon." He, without a thought of morbidity, passed on my random thought. If you don't live in the Memphis area you don't seem to realize that while gross in nature, the thought goes through all of the local citizens' minds. Violence avoidance has become a regular way of life for those of us in the metropolitan area.

Why? I could give a simple answer of "it is because of poverity" as that is the catch all when someone wants to pretend there is nothing that can be done. Let us not forget that poverty has existed since humans began living together in communities. There has always been rich. There will always be poor. It is just a reality that we have to face and then look at the real reason for violence. Violence and crime are not just concepts that only belong to the poor. They belong to people who are not taught while growing up these things are wrong. I don't mean people aren't telling their children that killing and stealing are wrong. I know that does happen. I am talking about a whole way of life. We glorify violence. And here we go. I know I am about to lose a few people's interest because it is always better to scoff at something then to find a possible rationale to the thought.

We have glorified violence in our media to the point that the more horrific the better thus making us desensatized to the gore inflicted on people daily. Add that to a generation of people who have not been taught to find solutions to conflict and you have makings for a deadly society.

When did this begin to happen? When society forgot that families provide the biggest influence on a child's life. Families aren't following the patterns that have been a proven method to pass on thoughts and teach skills necessary to live in a community.

Here is one beginning to the problem.

One very important factor that has been lost is the "Family Dinner." People will be quick to say that there isn't time to do that anymore. I challenge that. If there has been time for families to meet and interact for many generations then there is time now. What we have to do is make the decision to take back the family and use this daily or several times a week possibility to teach the proper ways to act and react.

Leaders of families will need to do one thing. Commit to doing the right things themselves. It all starts at home. Not with government officials putting more police on the street. It means that moms and dads have to make decisions for their families. Talk. Mentor. Help make better decisions.

At 41 I still get to experience the family dinner as this is the way I was taught by my mother. A single parent she instilled values in me so that I could pass them on to others.

I want to clarify that statement. Values meaning those concepts of what is important to make one's life successful. And value number one was success comes from being a part of a family.

Notice that material needs aren't listed as the most important value.

When was the last time that actions about family importance matched the words? Lip service is detrimental to this concept. Our actions must match our words. If they don't we teach a conflicting message that devalues family and sends people to the streets to learn lessons.

Families are the beginning and will be the end to a problem if we will truly learn what the institution is supposed to do and how important the interactions will be to the development of the children.